I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
