I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This gyro tastes like lonliness
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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