mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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