He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
