If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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