alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
