So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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