We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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