How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
