i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
