Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize