singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
