I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
