So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
