goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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