Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
