he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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