I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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