I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You made out with two different species that night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
