Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
