I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
