Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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