I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
