Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
