Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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