where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
