Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
