fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize