if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
