I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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