I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can vaginas get frostbite?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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