The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
