Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how does that bad decision feel?
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