Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
