I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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