i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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