You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
