Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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