12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
