He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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