If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
