New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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