nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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