dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize