Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Be still, my beating vagina.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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