she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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