It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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