ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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