Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
