Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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