May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
