I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
