Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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