He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
