What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
