i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
