Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
