I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
