Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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