My vagina just recognized that song.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
