Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is wine microwaveable?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hippo gnu deer
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
