My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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