12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
