I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
