i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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