You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
