Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
