My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drunk is a universal language darling
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize