Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
