If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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