on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
