just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
