you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
