Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
