youre lurking in front of me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
