plz talk dirty to me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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