hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i think im in europe. pls send help
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