drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
