I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize