i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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